May 14th

Today is mother's day. These are flowers the church gave the mothers.

There are days when I feel like if I could just sleep a few extra minutes (nothing like having early risers when you are a night person), or a couple of free hours, or even be able to take a shower with the door closed, I would be in the lap of luxury. I never realized how little time mothers have for themselves once they give birth. Or the sacrifices made, even if just insignificant.

On January 11, 2002, when I became a mother for the first time, I was totally overwhelmed with the little boy I was holding. Four years later, I am still overwhelmed, and I have added a little girl to the mix. There are times when I wonder if I have any parenting skills at all. They whine, they cry, they fight, they fuss, and that is all before breakfast some days! I get frustrated, I worry about them, I try to do what is best, but it still seems that I fail miserably sometimes.

Then one of them falls down and gets a bump or bruise, and guess who they come running to? Yep, me. Dr. Mom. Kissing boo boos does seem to really work. Or they get sleepy, and they come and put their head on my shoulder. Or something really good happens and they give me a high five (the boy) or clap at me (the 15 month old).

Or, at night, after they are in bed, and they are resting so soundly and look so quiet and peaceful. Then, I am hit with the responsibilty that I have to make sure they are what they need to be. I am responsible for their education of life, and so much of how they view themselves will depend on how I treat them and love them.

Yea, I make mistakes, and I lose it with them sometimes, but even that can be a learning experience -- they get to see how to ask for forgiveness and say, "I'm sorry."

I honestly can't remember life before my kids (well, maybe sleeping late on Saturday), they are that big a part of my life. I often feel if my purpose in life was to give birth to them and to raise them to adulthood. And when I think of that, I consider it a privilege and a high calling to strive to do just that, and do it well.