Water Parking

So, the Shufords ventured to Pigeon Forge today to enjoy Dolly's Splash Country. (Joke warning -- What is at Dollywood, anyway? Answer in comments, maybe).

It rained on the way there, was thundering when we got to my sister's camper at the lake, but we decided to try it anyway. It was cloudy, but not storming. There were a lot of people, but it was not unbearable.

Significant highlights --

Travis got in the water, easily, and had fun. He also put his face in the water, went down a little slide by himself, and one of the bigger little slides by himself. That is HUGE because he is absolutely terrified of water. (That was NOT in my genes by the way. I contribute it to the Wheeler/Shuford genes. grin).

I almost let my daughter drown. Well, didn't "let" her, but put her in a potentially dangerous situation. She wanted to go down one of larger kiddy slides. Her daddy was waiting for her at the bottom, but the lifeguard was the one who actually had to fish her out. She got a bit sideways and out of control and when she landed in the over 3 feet of water, well, suffice it to say, she got "baptized." Unfortunately, it was not in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. She was cool with it, and even though she didn't want to do "that" one again, she was all for the smaller ones in another area.

They have these waterslides that four and five people can go down together in a big inner tube.

"It's not fast," my sister says.

"It's not scary," my niece says. (For the benefit of my son).

So up the 99 flights of steps (have I ever mentioned how out of shape I am?), and to the top. Bernard, Travis, Kristi and I get in this big, oversized thing. The lifeguard tells us to hang on tight, and to remain seated (oh yea, Karma's thinking of surfing down this baby! NOT). After the first curve, my mother mind kicks in and says, "We are going rather fast. We are going high on the edges. Kristi is a small child. She is going to flip out of this thing." (Bernard tells me later that is basically impossible, from an engineering point of view -- tell the mommy mind that, thank you very much) So, I did what any self-respecting mother would do -- I draped my leg over my daughter, who gave me a look like, "What ARE you doing?????" :)

We made it down together. Kristi laughed the whole way. Travis grinned and said, "Wow, this is like the rides at Disney." (No, he's never been to Disney -- but he has seen promotional dvds -- they send them to you for free, and my kids will watch them for hours. Well, they would if I let them watch dvds for hours -- whistles innocently). Bernard was laughing at me. I was about to pee on myself. That was the scariest thing I have done in a long time.

I lost my shorts in the wave pool.
Seriously.
I had on a pair of shorts on over my swimsuit (it is my service to all of humanity; people really do NOT want to see me in a bathing suit). I'm in a tube (literally -- it was around my waist, like a big floaty) floating around in the wave pool. No problem.

The waves start.

Still no problem. I'm bouncing and swimming and floating and bouncing.

Small problem. I feel my shorts start to slip. Not far, but a bit. With the next wave, they slip a bit further. Have you ever noticed that when your pants are falling down, there is a point of no return. It's like they slip, slip, slip, a little at a time, and then, whoosh, there ain't no stopping them? No? Well, welcome to my world.

After about 5 waves, I figured I needed to do something. I obviously couldn't reach over the outside of my oversized blue cheerio, so I did the next best thing. I reached down the middle. Yea. Smart one. Now, I am pinned and look like some kind of bobber.

Next idea. Free my arms and get to the shallow end so I can get them back up.

The only problem is that with each wave, they are going further and further down, and I can't do a blasted thing to stop it. My niece saw the bobber imitation, and was too busy laughing at that to offer any real assistance.

As I floated by my sister -- unwilling to stand up because then they would come off, she laughed and said "It looks like you have a skirt on." hahahahah. thanks.

At this point, I am laughing so hard, I can't do squat. I'm finally in shallow enough water to sit down, but I'm still being barraged by waves, and my sister is making the not so astute observation that my shorts are around my ankles. I finally get the cheerio off of me, get the shorts up and try to regain what little dignity is left. I look to my right and see my son standing there, chuckling and shaking his head. Bless his heart, in another 6 or 7 years, I'm going to be *that* mom.